It's that time again.
That time when this month becomes last month and next month becomes this month, because that's how time works.
But what if we told you that it doesn't have to work that way?
Well, it does. The tyranny of time is a well-documented phenomenon.
But it doesn't need to be.
What if we told you instead that there's a visually appealing, helpfully measurable and occasionally asynchronous way of monitoring the ceaseless march of time and its ever-diminishing effect upon our lives?
Like a monthly subscription.
Not just any monthly subscription. An actual, literal, physical monthly subscription — a month of the month.
A month of the month delivered in paper form to your door or perhaps your letterbox or the white-gloved hand of your butler Jeeves.
A month of your very own.
The kind of month you can spend any way you want in any place that accepts paper months as legal currency.
A whole month that's yours and yours alone to do whatever you want with.
The kind of month you can roll up in your pocket, fold into a paper plane or even use as a kind of avant garde placemat like Salvador Dalí might have if he'd come up with this idea instead of painting melting clocks, which is actually thematically quite close but no cigar. Or lobster.
A month each month, that's what. A month each month discerningly selected by some guy maybe named Jeff.
But not just any guy maybe named Jeff. A guy maybe named Jeff who might also go by Jeffrey when he's in trouble with his girlfriend or Geoffrey when he's been reading too much Chaucer, or something else entirely because his name maybe isn't Jeff at all. Perhaps it's Fred. Or Juan.
Whatever his name, it's thanks to the keenly artistic eye of this guy that each month of the month features a glossy spread of dubious artistic quality along with a stylish grid outlining the days of the month in chronological order — plus moon phase iconography, irrelevant local holidays and in some instances hand-jotted notes from a previous owner.
Hand-prised from staple bindings or torn with reasonable care from the aforementioned staple bindings' spiral counterparts by the younger and completely uncompensated brother of the guy maybe named Jeff, each month is representative of an entire month.
But that's not all.
If the incorrect month has been sent for reasons accidental, nefarious or cleverly mischievous but largely opaque, the month may even be representative of not just an entire month — but an entirely different month.
If your month of the month has been taken from a cheaply made double-sided calendar, you'll also get a chronologically problematic but nevertheless free clipping from the month that comes before or even after your month!
That's up to an additional 31 days of extra value.
To give you an idea of just how much extra value we're talking, it would take 124 leap years to gain that many extra days through the normal passage of time.
Money can't buy time. But it can buy months. And that's almost as good.
The fact of the matter is that a month just isn't a month without a month of the month subscription. Well it is, but it's not.
Truly, there's no sounder investment for the discerning individual except perhaps a bottle of aged Scotch, a portfolio of Apple shares and a good deal of other things that don't need to be named here because this entire sentence is undermining the purpose of this sales page.
The month of the month club.
It's better than a day of the month club. A bit worse than a year of the month club. But on average not a bad deal, especially since those other clubs don't exist and also because the success of the internship of the brother of a guy maybe named Jeff depends on it.
So tear down your existing wall calendars and carpe monthem.
Take out a 3-month, 6-month or 12-month month of the month subscription this month and receive a month of a month every month at the beginning of the month or whenever we get a chance to go to the post office.
The possibilities are limited only by your imagination, the available space on your walls and the length of your subscription.
So buy the long one.